It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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