I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
