fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
