I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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