no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
