Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
