if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
