It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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