Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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