I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
