I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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