Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
