people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
