My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
