Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
