he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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