the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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