i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
