Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
