You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
