i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
