Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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