The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
