I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
