We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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