3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Your face is a jimmy john
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
