If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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