Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
