ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
