FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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