let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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