what day is it and did you see me today?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
