so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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