I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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