We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
