Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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