It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
