Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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