Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
