i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
