I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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