I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
