I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize