is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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