I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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