I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
