I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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