i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
