I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
