Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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