Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
