So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
