I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
