where am i from again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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