Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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